Winter Weather/Hazardous Driving Conditions
There’s only one me, I only have one car, which happens to be terrible in snowy conditions. Ice scares me. So when there’s bad weather, there’s a good chance I will cancel, and a better chance that if I am canceling, it will be at the last minute. I always err on the side of extreme caution. Trust me, these are not happy or light decisions for me.
I try to follow the local school systems of wherever I am traveling to that day, balanced with reason, common sense, and the Capital Weather Gang’s twitterstream, which is usually pretty on the money.
To set an appointment, I need:
Full address, including apartment numbers
Phone number or email address or both
Any weird parking issues
Any weird building issues
Everything you need to tell your local pizza delivery joint to get them to your front door, you need to tell me.
If the massage is not pre-paid (always available here), payment is due immediately afterward. I accept cash and all major credit cards.
For multiple (3+) person events, payment must be made in advance.
If a check bounces, you are responsible for my bank fees in addition to paying for your massage. All future payments must be in cash or on a credit card.
Package purchases are non-refundable, so I don’t recommend you buying one before you’ve had a massage with me. I’m pretty great, but I don’t mesh with everyone.
Packages are transferable, whether you want me to work on someone else as an one-time event, or if you are moving out of the area and are giving your remaining massages to someone else — just let me know what’s going on. If you want to sell your package to a friend, that’s fine by me, but I am not an intermediary and I am not responsible for finding someone to buy it from you.
Packages expire when I do. So if you want to wait until I’m 93 to get your last massage, that’s cool, just bear in mind that I may not be able to do more than pat you on the head and tell you that you’re a nice person. I would recommend at least an annual massage, just so I don’t entirely forget who you are (and then I’ll have to go through my paperwork to figure everything out which isn’t any fun). But yeah, there’s no rush.
Same Day Cancelations
This has been a tough one to figure out. I hate to have my time wasted, but I want to stay away from sick people. I also understand that sometimes emergency situations arise. So here’s what I think is fair:
The first TWO times that you need to cancel your massage on the same day it is to happen, okay, fine, we will let that go. Life happens, germs are everywhere.
The third time that you need to cancel your massage on the same day that it is to happen, I’ll send you an invoice for 50% of the cost of your massage.
The fourth time that you need to cancel your massage on the same day that it is to happen, I’ll send you an invoice for the full cost of your massage. Additionally, all future massages will need to be prepaid to save me from sending more invoices.
Because I am nice, and I have eight nieces and nephews who have schooled me on children being tiny germ factories, this resets every year for all clients. Though, seriously, if you regularly need to cancel on the same day as your massage, we should talk about how best to schedule your appointments in a non-disruptive manner.
In short, I don’t share anything with anyone about anyone else. Because ethics and HIPAA.
My newsletter mailing list (surprised? hit the top of the page, you can sign up there) is managed through HelloBar and MailChimp. If they are ever hacked and something happens, I’ll notify you as soon as I am notified about it. If my cell phone, laptop, or tablet is ever stolen, I will not only sob hysterically, but I will remotely wipe them, and if I still have a method to do so, I will notify you as soon as I am able.
Let’s be frank, if you have to be subtle about what you’re looking for, I’m not the massage therapist you’re looking for. To be more frank, you don’t even want a massage therapist.
All of my massages are fully draped.
All of my work is therapeutic in nature. This means non-sexual.
I do not ever want to see or touch your genitalia. Anyone who does is not a massage therapist.
If you sexually harass me, I will call the police and press charges.
I realize that some people are awkward, or new to massage, or both, so the first time you say something creepy to me, I will explain how it can be interpreted to be creepy, and suggest that you consider your words carefully. If you say a second creepy thing, I will end the session immediately. You will not interfere with my packing up my belongings, you will pay me for the full time of your massage, regardless of how much time is left, and you will not hinder my exit.
As stated above, I do not like having my time wasted, and I will not be mistreated.
No one likes you, creepy dudes.