The Covid Pandemic:
As long as it is happening, so are these policies. I understand that I seem overly cautious and paranoid. In addition to my own health concerns, as my job is going from one person’s home to another, I am doing my best to not be a vector either.
No Surprise Massages. Please pick up a gift certificate instead and let your loved one decide when they want a potential asymptomatic carrier in their home. If you insist, I will insist on getting their approval directly.
No Apartments or H0tels. Too many uncontrollable/unknowable factors.
No group events. I know restrictions are being lifted so people think it’s time for chair massage again. I don’t want to be in a crowd and I don’t want a crowd to slowly come to me.
Everyone wears a mask, regardless of vaccine status. You can still catch and carry any of the Covid variants while vaccinated.
Keeping a Small Footprint in Your Home. To reduce mutual germ exchange, I’m just going to set up in whatever space you have close to the front door. If it’s easier if I come through a back/side/basement/garage door, I’m happy to make that accommodation for this accommodation.
Other risk mitigation ideas: Provide your own sheets to use, wear a robe for a faster change which you can change out of elsewhere while I am packing up and then wash the robe, pay in a contact-free manner either with the prepay link on this site, Schedulicity Pay, Venmo, Cash app or Zelle (ask me for these details as they are not what you expect), the Irish exit (I’ll still call out that I’m leaving but you can disappear after the massage as long as I’ve been paid). Create a cloud of disinfectant spray in the space where I worked after I leave.
Winter Weather/Hazardous Driving Conditions
There’s only one me, I only have one car, which happens to be terrible in snowy conditions. Ice scares me. So when there’s bad weather, there’s a good chance I will cancel, and a better chance that if I am canceling, it will be at the last minute. I always err on the side of extreme caution. Trust me, these are not happy or light decisions for me.
I try to follow the local school systems of wherever I am traveling to that day, balanced with reason, common sense, and the Capital Weather Gang’s twitterstream, which is usually pretty on the money.
Appointments
To set an appointment, I need:
Full name
Full address, including apartment numbers or hotel room numbers
Phone number or email address or both
Any weird parking issues (townhouses, Arlington, DC… you know who you are)
Everything you need to tell your local pizza delivery joint to get them to your front door, you need to tell me. Caveat: I am carrying two bulky heavy bags & need safe parking for your session length + 20ish minutes.
H o t e l Policy: I no longer go to h 0 t e l s. (spacing intentional to avoid search results)
Payment
If the massage is not pre-paid (always available here), payment is due immediately afterward. I accept cash and all major credit cards. I also take Zelle and Venmo.
For multiple (3+) person events, payment must be made in advance.
If a check bounces, you are responsible for my bank fees in addition to paying for your massage. All future payments must be in cash or on a credit card.
Packages
Package purchases are non-refundable, so I don’t recommend you buying one before you’ve had a massage with me. I’m pretty great, but I don’t mesh with everyone.
Packages are transferable, whether you want me to work on someone else as an one-time event, or if you are moving out of the area and are giving your remaining massages to someone else — just let me know what’s going on. If you want to sell your package to a friend, that’s fine by me, but I am not an intermediary and I am not responsible for finding someone to buy it from you.
Packages bought before 11/21/2018 expire when I do. So if you want to wait until I’m 93 to get your last massage, that’s cool, just bear in mind that I may not be able to do more than pat you on the head and tell you that you’re a nice person. I would recommend at least an annual massage, just so I don’t entirely forget who you are (and then I’ll have to go through my paperwork to figure everything out which isn’t any fun). But yeah, there’s no rush.
The “A Year of Massage” package available during the Black Friday/Small Business Saturday/Cyber Monday weekend, November 23-6, 2018 expire at midnight on 12/31/2019.
All packages sold on or after November 27, 2018 through 7/30/2024 will expire 3 years from the date of purchase.
All packages sold on or after 7/31/2024 through 5/25/2025 will expire 2 years from the date of purchase.
Packages will stop being sold on 5/25/2025.
Same Day Cancelations
This has been a tough one to figure out. I hate to have my time wasted, but I want to stay away from sick people. I also understand that sometimes emergency situations arise. So here’s what I think is fair:
The first TWO times that you need to cancel your massage on the same day it is to happen, okay, fine, we will let that go. Life happens, germs are everywhere.
The third time that you need to cancel your massage on the same day that it is to happen, I’ll send you an invoice for 50% of the cost of your massage.
The fourth time that you need to cancel your massage on the same day that it is to happen, I’ll send you an invoice for the full cost of your massage. Additionally, all future massages will need to be prepaid to save me from sending more invoices.
Because I am nice, and I have eight nieces and nephews who have schooled me on children being tiny germ factories, this resets every year for all clients. Though, seriously, if you regularly need to cancel on the same day as your massage, we should talk about how best to schedule your appointments in a non-disruptive manner.
Referrals
As of 12/15/2017, any new client referred by an existing client gives the existing client a $10 credit towards their next massage (of their choosing). You can stack up to ten credits or use them as they accrue. All credits expire after 365 days. I have changed the intake form so that new clients have a space to tell me who referred them.
Privacy
In short, I don’t share anything with anyone about anyone else. Because ethics and HIPAA.
My newsletter mailing list (surprised? hit the top of the page, you can sign up there) is managed through HelloBar and MailChimp. If they are ever hacked and something happens, I’ll notify you as soon as I am notified about it. If my cell phone, laptop, or tablet is ever stolen, I will not only sob hysterically, but I will remotely wipe them, and if I still have a method to do so, I will notify you as soon as I am able.
Creepy Dudes
Let’s be frank, if you have to be subtle about what you’re looking for, I’m not the massage therapist you’re looking for. To be more frank, you don’t even want a massage therapist.
All of my massages are fully draped.
All of my work is therapeutic in nature. This means non-sexual.
I do not ever want to see or touch your genitalia. Anyone who does is not a massage therapist.
If you sexually harass me, I will call the police and press charges.
I realize that some people are awkward, or new to massage, or both, so the first time you say something creepy to me, I will explain how it can be interpreted to be creepy, and suggest that you consider your words carefully. If you say a second creepy thing, I will end the session immediately. You will not interfere with my packing up my belongings, you will pay me for the full time of your massage, regardless of how much time is left, and you will not hinder my exit.
As stated above, I do not like having my time wasted, and I will not be mistreated.
No one likes you, creepy dudes.